Dan: You have a great story to tell here. It's clearly a story you enjoyed telling, and it's a funny tale. But you undercut the story in a number of ways. First, you taped in a horrible location. I can barely see you at the far, far, far end of the hall, and the echoing makes it hard to make out your voice. You end up shuffling back and forth a lot, hitting your hand every few seconds! Very distracting! You're also speaking in a somewhat unnatural voice as your tone seems to rise up in places where it shouldn't be rising. (Ask me about this so I can show you; it's important to catch.)
This story is too, too good for this treatment. I insist (!) that you give this one more shot tomorrow. Find a quiet place to tape, pull the camera up a lot closer, and tell the story as if you're telling it to one other person. In fact, talk directly to the camera person (not the camera), as if you're having a casual conversation.
I think that the set up in the basement, being so far away from the camera, threw you off. You told the story MUCH better in class. I'd love to see you recapture that.
Dan: You have a great story to tell here. It's clearly a story you enjoyed telling, and it's a funny tale. But you undercut the story in a number of ways. First, you taped in a horrible location. I can barely see you at the far, far, far end of the hall, and the echoing makes it hard to make out your voice. You end up shuffling back and forth a lot, hitting your hand every few seconds! Very distracting! You're also speaking in a somewhat unnatural voice as your tone seems to rise up in places where it shouldn't be rising. (Ask me about this so I can show you; it's important to catch.)
ReplyDeleteThis story is too, too good for this treatment. I insist (!) that you give this one more shot tomorrow. Find a quiet place to tape, pull the camera up a lot closer, and tell the story as if you're telling it to one other person. In fact, talk directly to the camera person (not the camera), as if you're having a casual conversation.
I think that the set up in the basement, being so far away from the camera, threw you off. You told the story MUCH better in class. I'd love to see you recapture that.
Give this one more try.