Dan: Brilliant set up; not great execution yet. Get into the role! Act like a pro player. Talk like a pro player. Carry yourself like a pro player. You don't yet interact with Ariel as if you were a superstar talking to a kid. That's what you need: more acting. The rest of the speech is fine, though you could do a bit more with the statistics. If you can get into the role and convince us that you're a hero and Ariel is an admiring young fan, you'll have it.
Dan: Brilliant set up; not great execution yet. Get into the role! Act like a pro player. Talk like a pro player. Carry yourself like a pro player. You don't yet interact with Ariel as if you were a superstar talking to a kid. That's what you need: more acting. The rest of the speech is fine, though you could do a bit more with the statistics. If you can get into the role and convince us that you're a hero and Ariel is an admiring young fan, you'll have it.
ReplyDeleteSo far: 35/50