Dan: You've done OK here, but this was not your best. It's super long, and it feels as if you tried to include everything you ever learned about RBI into one pitch. You seem to be speaking to many different audiences rather than a single, focused audience. The fact that you didn't do this in one take and spliced it together makes the video very jumpy, and, by the end, you actually seem exhausted from your efforts. I think you needed to find a different way to focus and perform this. You had a lot to say, and a lot of it was good. But it was just too much.
Dan: You've done OK here, but this was not your best. It's super long, and it feels as if you tried to include everything you ever learned about RBI into one pitch. You seem to be speaking to many different audiences rather than a single, focused audience. The fact that you didn't do this in one take and spliced it together makes the video very jumpy, and, by the end, you actually seem exhausted from your efforts. I think you needed to find a different way to focus and perform this. You had a lot to say, and a lot of it was good. But it was just too much.
ReplyDeleteAnd also: who is this guy with the beard?
Grade: 40/50